Sadly, I won't be cooking for her again, as she passed away last week.
There are so many ways in which I will miss her, so many small regrets for things I still wanted to share with her which feed into the larger sense of loss.
Some of them are food-related: I had already planned the trifle (one of her favourite foods) that I was going to make between Christmas and New Year. As it turned out, she was in hospital by then.
A few weeks ago she mentioned that she'd never eaten asparagus - a fact that surprised me. I wouldn't normally buy asparagus out of season, so this was a dilemma - buy the imported stuff so she could try it, or wait till May so she could eat fresh English asparagus and taste the vegetable at its best? Now I wish I'd just bought the stuff and given her that new experience.
Sometimes I was surprised by what she had or hadn't experienced. Aubergines were new territory, but she was familiar with pomegranates, said she used to eat them "years ago" and found them "a bit boring". So while I imagine them to be a modern import, it sounds like they were eaten in this country in the days when olive oil was something you only bought in the chemist.
Her enthusiasm for trying something new was one of the things that made her remarkable. Whether it was butternut squash, halloumi cheese or Indian food, she'd try it, and nearly always enjoy it. I mentioned in November that she never cooked with garlic in her life, but would happily eat it, whether in my risotto or the Chinese restaurant food she always enjoyed.
Even when frail and very limited in what she could do, she loved her meals. She liked to say: "I've decided to stop saying no to anything." This wasn't strictly true - she would refuse a second glass of wine, but she'd never say no to dessert.
As I observed here a few months ago, cooking for someone is a way of demonstrating your love. To have someone else appreciate it is to know that your efforts haven't been wasted - it's a vital part of the equation. My grandmother was never short of appreciation, love and the ability to take pleasure from the everyday things in life. I hope I can learn from that.
Sarah, having read your blog and having had updates from Colin about your gran, I am so sorry to hear of her passing. I am very close to my own granny, so I can only imagine the sadness you must be feeling right now. I've been trying to do the same for my granny in terms of new eating experiences and trying to get her to enjoy food again. Whilst she is not as elderly as your gran was, she lost my grandfather last year and has since been very ill herself and just stops cooking for herself, often surviving on a cheese sandwich for an entire day. The enjoyment of food and new taste experiences is one of life's real pleasures and you must have brought so much joy to your gran's life. Much love, René x
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words René. I hope your gran is doing ok, I am sure she appreciates your love and concern for her. Would having supplies of soup in the freezer help her? Or even jelly/ice cream when nothing else appeals? Best wishes to her.
DeleteA lovely piece - brought a few tears to my eyes. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your gran Sarah. She seemed to have been a marvellous lady. Best wishes to you and to your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ulrica for your kind thoughts.
DeleteI remember eating pomegranates about 50 years ago. We used to have pomegranate syrup too.
ReplyDeleteDear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to read of your gran's passing. I got a kick out of reading about the food experiences you shared with her and that she found pomegranates 'a bit boring'! I think I may just adopt her rule of never refusing dessert. -seems a good way to live!
All the best,
Bea